F4: Cynicism Is Not Trustworthy
Do you feel like you’re cynical, and there’s nothing you can do to change it? If so, there’s good news. Changing is much easier and faster than you’d think, and the benefits of being less cynical are worth fighting for. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be an idealist, just make some small changes and prepare to see your future in a brighter light.
In this episode I reference findings from Dr. Jamil Zaki, Director of the Social Neuroscience Lab at Stanford University, which he shares in his new book, Hope For Cynics.
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F4: CYNICISM IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY
ARE YOU CYNICAL? SOMETIMES AT LEAST? I MEAN, WE ALL GET BURNED BY PEOPLE, AND IT CAN SNOWBALL…IT’S NATURAL TO FEEL THAT WAY…AND WITH THE STATE OF POLITICS AND THE WAY THE MEDIA HAS LEARNED TO PROFIT FROM CYNICAL HEADLINES, MANY OF US HAVE BECOME CYNICAL, WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT.
WELL, I’M LEARNING THERE IS GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME….BEING CYNICAL ISN’T PERMANENT, IN FACT, BECOMING LESS CYNICAL CAN HAPPEN IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, AND…FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, IT WILL ABSOLUTELY….CHANGE YOUR LIFE…FOR THE BETTER.
EPISODE
I’D LIKE TO START BY IDENTIFYING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PESSIMISM AND CYNICISM. PESSIMISM IS WHEN YOU EXPECT THE WORST IN SITUATIONS – IT’S A LOT LIKE DESPAIR AND HOPELESSNESS…AND WE KNOW WHEN WE’RE FEELING THAT WAY. CYNICISM, MORE OR LESS, IS WHEN YOU EXPECT THE WORST IN PEOPLE.
NOW…PESSIMISM ISN’T PRETTY, AND IT CAN BE VERY DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR LIFE, BUT WITH CYNICISM, IT’S SNEAKIER…YOU CAN THINK YOU’RE HAPPY, BUT ACTUALLY, IT’S UNKNOWINGLY LEADING YOU DESOLATION.
WHAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT, IS THE ROAD TO CYNICISM IS A FAIRLY EASY ROAD TO FIND. WHEN YOU GET HURT BY PEOPLE ENOUGH TIMES, WHICH IS BOUND TO HAPPEN, A NATURAL RESPONSE IS TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM IT HAPPENING AGAIN, AND CYNICISM IS A WONDERFUL BARRIER – IT SEEMS LIKE IT PROTECTS YOU – THE PROBLEM IS, CYNICISM IS LIKE CARBON MONOXIDE… A SILENT KILLER.
THE STATISTICS: CYNICS ARE 3X MORE LIKELY TO DEVELOP DIMENTIA. 5X MORE LIKELY TO DEVELOP DEPRESSION. AND WHEN IT COMES TO CAREERS, CYNICS TEND TO MAKE LESS MONEY AND HAVE A LOWER CAREER TRAJECTORY.
SO, ARE YOU CYNICAL? ACCORDING TO JAMIL ZAKI, DIRECTOR OF THE SOCIAL NEUROSCIENCE LAB AT STANFORD UNIVERSITY, WHETHER OR NOT YOU AGREE WITH THESE THREE STATEMENTS IS A QUICK WAY TO FIND OUT:
1. NO ONE CARES MUCH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO ME.
2. MOST PEOPLE DISLIKE HELPING OTHERS
3. MOST PEOPLE ARE HONEST, BUT MAINLY BECAUSE OF THEIR FEAR OF GETTING CAUGHT
PROFESSOR ZAKI SAYS, IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ALL THREE OF THOSE STATEMENTS, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT A CYNIC. IF YOU AGREE WITH ONE OF THE THREE, YOU’RE MODERATELY CYNICAL…AND, IF YOU AGREE WITH TWO OR MORE, YOU’RE ON THE HIGH END OF CYNICAL.
NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS. CYNICISM IS NOT A FIXED TRAIT. IF YOU SCORED AS CYNICAL, THERE ARE THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO TO ADJUST THE WAY YOU SEE THE WORLD, AND BY DOING THESE THINGS, YOU CAN CHANGE COURSE FAIRLY QUICKLY.
ACCORDING TO ZAKI’S NEW BOOK, “ HOPE FOR CYNICS: THE SURPRISING SCIENCE OF HUMAN GOODNESS,” HE OUTLINES THREE PRACTICES THAT CAN HELP YOU BREAK OUT FROM BEING CYNICAL:
FIRST, HE SAYS TO STOP GLAMORIZING THE IDEA OF CYNICISM. BEING NEGATIVE DOESN’T MAKE YOU RIGHT OR MORAL, AND IT DOESN’T KEEP YOU SAFE.
SECOND, TRY TO BE MORE LIKE A SCIENTIST. SEARCH FOR EVIDENCE TO PROVE OR DISPROVE YOUR CONCLUSIONS ABOUT PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS. TRY TO CONSISTENTLY ASK YOURSELF “WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY?”
THIRD, GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. BEFORE ASSUMING THE WORST ABOUT SOMEONE, GIVE THEM THE CHANCE TO PROVE YOU WRONG…OR RIGHT. ZAKI SAYS, “WE UNDERESTIMATE HOW TRUSTWORTHY, GENEROUS, FRIENDLY, AND OPEN-MINDED PEOPLE ARE.”
FROM MY STANDPOINT, I THINK THE BIGGEST MISTAKE PEOPLE MAKE IS IN THINKING THAT IN ORDER TO NO LONGER BE A CYNIC, THEY HAVE TO SUDDENLY BECOME AN OPTIMIST…AND WHEN I HEAR OPTIMIST, I TEND TO THINK OF SOMEONE WHO IS NAÏVE AND EASILY EXPLOITED. IT’S NOT ONE OR THE OTHER - YOU DON’T NEED TO SUDDENLY BE AN IDEALIST TO STOP BEING A CYNIC.
THAT DISTINCTION HAS BEEN USEFUL TO ME.
THERE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE QUESTIONABLE PEOPLE WITH NOT SO GREAT INTENTIONS OUT THERE AND WE NEED TO REMOVE OURSELVES FROM THOSE PEOPLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BUT, BY GIVING IN AND LETTING THEM CORRUPT OUR WAY OF SEEING THE WORLD…A WORLD THAT, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IS FILLED WITH WONDERFUL PEOPLE – WE’RE ONLY HURTING OURSELVES.
AS WE START OUR WEEKENDS, IT’S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE INVENTORY OF HOW CYNICAL WE ARE…AND IF WE’RE HIGH ON THE SCALE, THERE ARE REAL THINGS WE CAN DO TO ADJUST AND SEE THE WORLD IN A HEALTHIER WAY… ALL WITHOUT LOSING OUR EDGE. THIS IN TURN WILL IMPROVE OUR HEALTH AND OUR LIKELIHOOD FOR CAREER AND PERSONAL SUCCESS…AND THAT THOUGHT ALONE, GIVES ME HOPE.
A WHILE AGO I CAME ACROSS A QUOTE FROM TOM HANKS, ONE OF MY FAVORITE CELEBRITIES. TO ME, HE SEEMS LIKE SOMEONE WHO’S GROUNDED, WHO LIVES IN REALITY, BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE’S STILL POSITIVE AND HOPEFUL ABOUT PEOPLE AND OUR FUTURE.
WHAT HE SAID WAS:
“I UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF OPTIMISM. BUT I THINK WITH ME, WHAT YOU GET….IS A LACK OF CYNICISM.”
https://ethicalleadership.nd.edu/news/dont-let-cynicism-ruin-your-career/
https://www.cnbc.com/2024/08/31/if-you-agree-with-these-3-statements-you-might-be-a-cynic.html